1 Year Wedding Anniversary

 Tomorrow will be mine and Rob's 1st anniversary of marriage.  Much like the day we got married, it will be spent unconventionally.

To give a back story of the day we got married, we were in Dothan for scans, doctor appointments, and radiation. We brought the paperwork with us to take to the court house but ended up being too tired the first day to go.  What we ended up doing was, in between appointments, deciding we had time to finalize it.

Our first stop was to find a notary.  Keep in mind, this was the height of COVID and most banks were closed to people coming in.  We ended up finding someone at a UPS store.  It was quite funny, we walked in, signed the papers, and they started congratulating us on being married.  The store clerk said in Alabama you were married from the time it was notarized, not filed at the Probate Office.  We joked we got married in a UPS store, although I'm not sure either viewed it that way since we could have technically ripped up the paperwork after we left and none would be the wiser.

After UPS, we had another appointment, and then we swung by the probate office in downtown Dothan.  Rob was determined to go with me to turn it in, despite barely being able to walk, but we were stopped at the door and told only one person was allowed to go inside. So, I sent him to the car to wait, and I went upstairs to get married by myself lol.  It was oddly clerical.  The woman took the paperwork, my payment, asked me how many copies I wanted and bam! We were married! It all took less than five minutes.

I went back to the car and we celebrated before heading to our next appointment.  It wasn't until later that night we realized we were married on Bastille Day (think the French version of Fourth of July).  This was oddly significant because Rob was a French Historian and I was a French minor.  We also were in Paris for Bastille Day in 2018 and the memory was very special to both of us.  It was completely on accident but we were excited all the same.

As I get closer to celebrating tomorrow by myself quite a bit has been on my mind.  My main fear though is nobody saying "Happy Anniversary" or acknowledging that it is a day of celebration. It will sting but it will sting more to feel like people don't think we get to celebrate a year just because he isn't physically here.

He still lives in my heart.  He is still my husband and our marriage endured more in a few short months than most couples endure in a lifetime.  We became closer than ever and equally depended and appreciated the other in a way we never had before.  When I had bursts of anger at what life threw at us, he understood and talked me through them.  When he apologized for what I was going through, I reminded him I chose to be there through better or worse and I would choose it again a million times over. 

 We cried together, we drank together, we celebrated together.

While we talked about plans for life without him, we also dreamed about our future.  We talked about trips we still wanted to take and when we would take them.  We discussed our plans for the next year and the year after that.  Then we would later talk realistically but we balanced it all.

Don't avoid talking to a widow on the day of their anniversary.  Don't silently tell them their marriage doesn't exist anymore.  It is cruel and selfish because the reason people do this is due to their own discomfort when facing this situation. 

Celebrate.  Text them.  Drop by.

Death isn't a divorce.

Death is knowing you'll never see your person again but still choosing to love them every single day. It is knowing what they would do and allowing it to guide you to be a better person.  I am still married to Rob in all the ways that matter.  I can still imagine exactly what he would say or do.  I still know moments he would be proud of me and moments he would tell me I was in the wrong.  I know the advice he would give regarding parenting Praiselynn together.

Our marriage, just like him, continues to live on.  Not in a way most are aware but in a way that truly matters and deserves to be celebrated through the laughter and tears and that is what I intend to do.

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